Few things are more painful for a parent than watching their relationship with their child deteriorate due to the other parent’s deliberate interference. Parental alienation—when one parent systematically undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent—is a serious problem that can cause lasting psychological harm to children and devastating emotional damage to the targeted parent.

If you’re experiencing parental alienation in Hudson County (Jersey City, Bayonne, Hoboken, Union City, etc.) or Bergen County (Hackensack, Paramus, Teaneck, Fort Lee, Englewood, etc.), New Jersey’s family court system offers powerful tools to protect your parent-child relationship. Understanding how to effectively use these courts can make the difference between losing your relationship with your child and preserving this precious bond.

This guide explains what parental alienation is, how Hudson County and Bergen County Family Courts address it, and specific strategies you can use to stop alienation and protect your rights as a parent.

What Is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs when one parent (the “alienating parent”) engages in behaviors that damage the child’s relationship with the other parent (the “targeted parent”). This goes beyond normal post-divorce conflict—it’s a pattern of deliberate, systematic interference designed to turn the child against the other parent.

Mental health professionals recognize parental alienation as a serious form of emotional abuse that harms children’s psychological development and their ability to form healthy relationships.

Common Alienating Behaviors

Alienating parents often engage in patterns of behavior including:

Direct badmouthing: Making negative comments about the targeted parent in the child’s presence, calling them names, or questioning their character or parenting abilities.

Limiting contact: Creating obstacles to communication or visitation—”forgetting” about scheduled parenting time, scheduling conflicting activities, not answering calls, or being late for exchanges.

Undermining authority: Contradicting the targeted parent’s rules, allowing behavior the other parent prohibits, or telling the child they don’t have to listen to the other parent.

Creating loyalty conflicts: Forcing the child to choose sides, making the child feel guilty for loving the other parent, or suggesting that loving both parents is a betrayal.

Sharing inappropriate information: Discussing adult issues like finances, divorce details, or legal proceedings with the child to create anxiety or resentment toward the other parent.

Erasing the other parent: Removing the targeted parent from family photos, refusing to acknowledge their importance, or excluding them from the child’s life narrative.

Interfering with communication: Not passing along messages, monitoring or limiting phone calls, reading the child’s texts or emails with the other parent, or discouraging communication.

False allegations: Making unfounded claims of abuse, neglect, substance abuse, or other serious misconduct to justify limiting contact.

Presenting a false choice: Telling the child they can decide whether to see the other parent, inappropriately giving the child decision-making power they’re not developmentally ready for.

Involving others: Recruiting family members, friends, or even the child’s therapist to reinforce negative messages about the targeted parent.

The Devastating Effects of Parental Alienation

Parental alienation causes serious harm to everyone involved:

Impact on Children

Children subjected to parental alienation often experience:

• Identity confusion: Rejecting half of their identity by rejecting a parent
• Depression and anxiety: Internalizing conflict and feeling guilty about their feelings
• Difficulty with relationships: Learning unhealthy relationship patterns and manipulation
• Loss of trust: Learning that people they love cannot be trusted
• Impaired judgment: Developing black-and-white thinking patterns
• Long-term psychological problems: Issues that can persist into adulthood

Research shows that alienated children often struggle with their own parenting relationships later in life and may eventually recognize the alienation and resent the alienating parent.

Impact on Targeted Parents

Parents experiencing alienation face:

• Grief and loss: Mourning the relationship with their child while the child is still alive
• Helplessness: Watching the alienation happen while feeling powerless to stop it
• Depression and anxiety: Dealing with the emotional toll of rejection
• Financial strain: Legal costs to protect their parental rights
• Social isolation: Misunderstanding from others who don’t recognize alienation

How New Jersey Family Courts View Parental Alienation

New Jersey courts take parental alienation seriously. While not explicitly defined in state statute, New Jersey case law and the New Jersey Court Rules recognize alienation as contrary to children’s best interests.

Legal Framework

New Jersey custody decisions are based on the best interests of the child standard, which considers numerous factors under N.J.S.A. 9:2-4, including:

• The parents’ ability to agree and cooperate on matters relating to the child
• The parents’ willingness to accept custody and facilitate parenting time
• Each parent’s ability to communicate and cooperate
• The history of domestic violence (if any)
• The safety of the child and abuse or neglect (if any)

Critical factor: Courts specifically consider each parent’s willingness to foster the child’s relationship with the other parent. A parent who alienates the child from the other parent violates this fundamental principle.

Judicial Attitudes in Hudson and Bergen Counties

Both Hudson County and Bergen County Family Courts take parental alienation seriously, though approaches may vary by individual judge:

Hudson County Family Court (located at 583 Newark Avenue, Jersey City) handles high volumes of family cases from Jersey City, Bayonne, Hoboken, Union City, West New York, and other municipalities. Hudson County judges have shown willingness to:

• Order reunification therapy when alienation is evident
• Modify custody when one parent demonstrates a pattern of interference
• Enforce parenting time orders strictly
• Hold alienating parents in contempt for violations

Bergen County Family Court (located at the Bergen County Justice Center, 10 Main Street, Hackensack) serves New Jersey’s most populous county. Bergen County judges similarly recognize alienation and have:

• Appointed parenting coordinators in high-conflict cases
• Modified custody based on demonstrated alienation
• Ordered therapy and counseling
• Imposed sanctions for deliberate interference with parenting time

Both courts prefer evidence-based approaches and appreciate parents who document issues thoroughly and focus on children’s best interests rather than personal grievances.

Recognizing the Signs: Is Alienation Happening?

Before taking legal action, assess whether true alienation is occurring. Signs include:

The Child’s Behavior Changes

• Previously loving child becomes hostile or distant without clear reason
• Child refuses contact or expresses fear/anxiety without basis
• Child parrots the alienating parent’s language or complaints
• Child shows no ambivalence—sees you as “all bad” and the other parent as “all good”
• Child’s reasons for rejection are vague or illogical
• Child shows lack of guilt about treating you poorly
• Child extends animosity to your extended family
• Child’s negative feelings began after separation or during high conflict

The Other Parent’s Actions

• Consistently creates obstacles to your parenting time
• Refuses to communicate or responds only through attorneys
• Shares inappropriate information with the child about legal proceedings
• Badmouths you directly or indirectly in ways the child can hear
• Schedules activities during your parenting time without consulting you
• Encourages the child to call them during your parenting time
• Doesn’t prepare the child for transitions or makes transitions difficult

Important Distinction

Not all difficult post-divorce relationships involve alienation. Distinguish between:

Alienation: Systematic, deliberate campaign to damage your relationship with no justifiable basis

Justified estrangement: Child’s reluctance based on legitimate concerns about your behavior (abuse, neglect, substance abuse, etc.)

Normal adjustment: Temporary difficulties as the family adjusts to new circumstances

Be honest in your assessment. If your child’s reluctance stems from your own behavior, address those issues rather than claiming alienation.

Strategy #1: Document Everything Thoroughly

The foundation of any court action is solid documentation. Hudson County and Bergen County judges need concrete evidence, not just allegations.

What to Document

Denials of parenting time:

• Date, time, and circumstances of each denial
• Communications showing the denial (texts, emails)
• Whether makeup time was offered or refused
• Impact on the child

Interference with communication:

• Dates and times you attempted to contact your child
• How the other parent prevented or undermined communication
• Any gatekeeping behavior

Alienating statements:

• What the child says that clearly comes from the other parent
• Language the child uses that mirrors the other parent’s complaints
• Third-party witnesses who heard alienating statements

Schedule conflicts:

• Activities scheduled during your parenting time without consultation
• Pattern of last-minute changes or “emergencies”
• Medical appointments or school events you weren’t informed about

Your efforts to maintain the relationship:

• Attempts to communicate with your child
• Gifts sent, cards written, calls made
• Attendance at school events and activities
• Flexibility you’ve shown

How to Document

Use technology: Save all texts, emails, and voicemails. Take screenshots of social media posts. Use parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or Talking Parents that create admissible records.

Keep a journal: Write detailed entries with dates, times, specific facts, and objective observations (not just feelings).

Involve witnesses: When possible, have neutral third parties present during exchanges or communications.

Save everything: Keep cards you send that are returned, gifts that are refused, and any other tangible evidence.

Be objective: Record facts, not interpretations. “Child refused to get out of the car and said ‘Mommy says you’re mean'” is better than “Other parent has poisoned my child against me.”

Strategy #2: Use Court Orders to Your Advantage

New Jersey Family Courts have broad power to issue orders protecting parent-child relationships. Know what you can request:

Enforce Existing Orders

If you have a custody or parenting time order, enforce it strictly. File motions for:

Contempt: When the other parent willfully violates court orders, request contempt proceedings. Potential consequences include:

• Fines
• Compensatory parenting time
• Modification of custody
• Attorney’s fees
• In extreme cases, jail time

Modification of parenting time: Request modification to add specificity if current orders are vague, reducing opportunities for interference.

Make-up time: For every missed parenting session, request specific make-up time in your motion.

Request New Protective Orders

Ask the court for orders specifically addressing alienation:

Communication orders: Require the other parent to:

• Facilitate phone/video calls at specific times
• Not monitor or interfere with communication
• Share school and medical information
• Include you in decision-making

Conduct orders: Prohibit the other parent from:

• Making disparaging remarks about you to or in front of the child
• Interfering with your parenting time
• Discussing legal proceedings with the child
• Involving the child in adult matters

Therapeutic orders: Request:

• Individual therapy for the child with a therapist trained in alienation
• Reunification therapy to rebuild your relationship
• Co-parenting counseling
• Parenting classes for the alienating parent

Technology orders: Require:

• Use of co-parenting communication apps
• Video exchanges to document transitions
• Specific protocols for scheduling changes

Strategy #3: Seek Custody Modification

When alienation is severe and persistent, request custody modification. New Jersey allows modification when there’s been a change in circumstances affecting the child’s best interests.

Building Your Case

To modify custody based on alienation, prove:

1. Significant change in circumstances: Document the pattern of alienation as a substantial change
2. Impact on the child: Show how alienation harms your child’s best interests
3. Alienating parent’s unfitness: Demonstrate their unwillingness to foster your relationship
4. Your fitness: Show you’re a capable, loving parent willing to foster all relationships

What Courts Consider

Hudson County and Bergen County judges evaluating alienation-based custody modifications look for:

• Pattern and severity: Isolated incidents vs. systematic campaign
• Impact on child: Observable harm to the child’s wellbeing
• Your response: Whether you’ve remained calm, cooperative, and focused on the child
• Other parent’s response to court intervention: Whether they comply with orders or continue alienating behavior
• Expert opinions: Testimony from therapists, custody evaluators, or parenting coordinators

Possible Outcomes

Depending on severity, courts may:

• Modify legal custody: Give you sole legal custody or final decision-making authority
• Modify physical custody: Increase your parenting time or even switch primary custody
• Restrict the alienating parent’s contact: In extreme cases, supervised visitation for the alienating parent
• Order therapy: Require reunification therapy and therapeutic intervention

Important: Courts rarely remove children from an alienating parent entirely unless the situation is extreme. More commonly, they’ll increase your time, order therapy, and impose consequences for continued alienation.

Strategy #4: Leverage Expert Intervention

Mental health professionals and court-appointed experts can be powerful allies in alienation cases.

Custody Evaluators

Request a comprehensive custody evaluation by a court-appointed forensic psychologist. The evaluator will:

• Interview both parents
• Interview the child
• Observe parent-child interactions
• Review records and documents
• Interview collateral sources (teachers, therapists, etc.)
• Provide expert opinion about custody arrangements

Advantage: Neutral expert opinion carries significant weight with judges. A skilled evaluator can identify alienation patterns that may not be obvious in court filings.

Cost: Evaluations typically cost $5,000-$15,000+, usually split between parents or allocated based on financial circumstances.

Reunification Therapists

If the court recognizes alienation, request a therapist specifically trained in reunification therapy—specialized treatment designed to:

• Rebuild the damaged parent-child relationship
• Address the child’s distorted perceptions
• Hold the alienating parent accountable
• Create structured opportunities for positive interaction

Critical: Reunification therapy differs from traditional family therapy. The therapist must understand alienation dynamics and be willing to work directive ly, not just facilitate conversation.

Parenting Coordinators

Hudson County and Bergen County courts can appoint parenting coordinators—mental health or legal professionals who:

• Help resolve day-to-day parenting disputes
• Monitor compliance with court orders
• Make decisions on minor issues (within limits set by the court)
• Report to the court about ongoing problems

Advantage: Real-time intervention and monitoring can stop alienating behaviors before they escalate.

Cost: Typically $150-$400 per hour, split between parents or allocated by the court.

Guardian ad Litem

In high-conflict cases, request appointment of a Guardian ad Litem (GAL)—an attorney who represents the child’s best interests (not the child’s stated preferences). The GAL:

• Conducts independent investigation
• Makes recommendations to the court
• Advocates for what’s truly best for the child
• Can identify alienation that the child cannot or will not acknowledge

Strategy #5: Present Yourself Strategically in Court

How you present yourself matters enormously in alienation cases. Hudson County and Bergen County judges evaluate both parents’ credibility and judgment.

Do’s

Remain calm and composed: Even when discussing painful topics, control your emotions. Angry, bitter presentations hurt your credibility.

Focus on the child: Frame everything in terms of your child’s best interests, not your hurt feelings or anger at the other parent.

Be specific and factual: Provide concrete examples with dates, times, and details. Avoid generalizations like “She always…” or “He never…”

Acknowledge your shortcomings: If you’ve made mistakes, own them. Judges respect self-awareness and accountability.

Show flexibility: Demonstrate willingness to compromise on minor issues while standing firm on alienating behaviors.

Document your efforts: Show the court you’ve tried everything to maintain the relationship—therapy, mediation, communication attempts.

Propose solutions: Don’t just complain about problems; offer constructive solutions focused on the child’s needs.

Respect court processes: Follow all procedures, meet deadlines, comply with court orders yourself.

Don’ts

Don’t badmouth the other parent: In court or anywhere else. It makes you look as bad as the alienating parent.

Don’t exaggerate: Stick to provable facts. Exaggeration destroys credibility even if your underlying claims are valid.

Don’t appear vindictive: Judges quickly distinguish between parents protecting their relationships and those seeking revenge.

Don’t involve the child unnecessarily: Never make the child testify or feel responsible for court outcomes.

Don’t ignore your own behavior: If the child has legitimate complaints about your conduct, address them directly.

Don’t give up: Alienation cases require persistence. Even when discouraged, continue your efforts and court actions.

Strategy #6: Use Hudson and Bergen County Resources

Both counties offer resources that can support your case:

Hudson County Resources

• Hudson County Family Court Self-Help Center: Provides forms, information, and limited assistance
• Court-sponsored mediation programs: Can help resolve disputes without litigation
• Family Services: Offers evaluations and recommendations in custody cases
• Local therapists trained in reunification: Ask your attorney for referrals to Hudson County providers experienced with alienation

Bergen County Resources

• Bergen County Family Court: Comprehensive family services
• Bergen County Family Part Mediation Program: Helps resolve custody and parenting time disputes
• Parenting coordinators familiar with Bergen County courts: Experienced with local judges and procedures
• Mental health professionals: Bergen County has numerous providers experienced with high-conflict custody cases

Statewide Resources

• New Jersey Courts Family Division: Official resources and forms
• New Jersey Parental Alienation Awareness Organization: Support and education for targeted parents (if available – check current status)

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even well-intentioned parents make mistakes that hurt their alienation cases:

Mistake #1: Retaliating

When you’re being alienated, the temptation to fight fire with fire is strong. Don’t do it. If you start badmouthing the other parent or interfering with their time, you become part of the problem, not the solution.

Mistake #2: Waiting Too Long

Alienation gets worse over time. The longer it continues, the harder it is to repair. Act quickly when you see patterns developing.

Mistake #3: Acting Without Legal Counsel

Alienation cases are legally and emotionally complex. Attempting to handle them without an experienced attorney usually backfires.

Mistake #4: Fighting Every Battle

Not every slight or frustration warrants a court motion. Choose your battles strategically, focusing on serious, persistent alienating behaviors.

Mistake #5: Giving Up

Many targeted parents eventually give up, believing the system doesn’t work or can’t help. Persistence matters. Continue your efforts, document everything, and use every available legal tool.

Mistake #6: Violating Court Orders Yourself

Even if the other parent violates orders, you must comply scrupulously. Judges notice who respects court authority and who doesn’t.

Long-Term Strategies

Stopping alienation isn’t just about winning court battles—it’s about rebuilding your relationship with your child over time.

Stay Consistent

Continue reaching out to your child even if they reject you. Cards, emails, texts, showing up to events—your persistent, loving presence matters, even if the child doesn’t respond positively now.

Focus on the Future

Many alienated children eventually recognize the manipulation they experienced. When that happens (often in late teens or adulthood), your consistent efforts to maintain the relationship will matter enormously.

Take Care of Yourself

The emotional toll of alienation can be devastating. Prioritize your mental health:

• Individual therapy
• Support groups for targeted parents
• Self-care practices
• Maintaining other relationships and activities

Be the Bigger Person

When the child is ready to reconnect, avoid blaming them or dwelling on the alienation. Focus on rebuilding your relationship without forcing them to take sides retroactively.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does it take to stop parental alienation through the courts?

Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix. Simple contempt motions might be heard within 2-3 months in Hudson or Bergen County. Comprehensive custody modifications can take 6-12 months or more. Reunification therapy, if ordered, typically continues for many months. The timeline depends on case complexity, court schedules, and the alienating parent’s response to intervention.

Will the judge talk to my child about the alienation?

Judges can interview children, especially those 14 and older, though they often prefer not to put children in that position. More commonly, judges rely on custody evaluators, therapists, or Guardians ad Litem to assess the child’s perspective and identify alienation. If the child is interviewed, it’s typically done privately in chambers, not in open court.

What if the other parent claims I’M the alienating parent?

This is common—alienating parents often accuse the targeted parent of alienation as a defensive strategy. This is why documentation is crucial. Objective evidence of your efforts to facilitate the other parent’s relationship versus their efforts to undermine yours will reveal the truth. Courts are experienced in identifying which parent is genuinely fostering relationships and which is interfering.

Can I record conversations to prove alienation?

New Jersey is a two-party consent state, meaning you cannot legally record conversations without all parties’ knowledge and consent. Illegal recordings are not admissible and can severely damage your case. Instead, document conversations contemporaneously in writing, save texts and emails, and use witnesses when possible.

What if my child is old enough to “choose” which parent to live with?

New Jersey doesn’t have a specific age at which children can choose. While courts give more weight to older children’s preferences (especially 14+), the child’s wishes are just one factor. If the court recognizes alienation, a child’s stated preference for the alienating parent may be seen as a product of manipulation, not a genuine preference reflecting best interests.

My ex has turned even our teenage child against me. Is it too late?

It’s never too late, though adolescent alienation is more challenging. Teenagers have more independence and may resist court-ordered therapy or contact. However, consistent efforts now lay groundwork for reconciliation later. Many alienated young adults eventually reconnect with targeted parents, and your continued efforts will matter when that time comes.

How much will fighting parental alienation cost?

Costs vary widely. Simple enforcement motions might cost $2,000-$5,000. Comprehensive custody modifications can cost $15,000-$40,000 or more, especially with custody evaluations and expert witnesses. However, many attorneys offer payment plans, and the investment in your parent-child relationship is invaluable. Some parents also seek contribution to attorney’s fees from the alienating parent.

Can I get sole custody if I prove alienation?

Possibly. If alienation is severe, persistent, and the alienating parent doesn’t respond to court intervention, judges may modify custody significantly—sometimes even switching primary custody. However, courts prefer to preserve both parent-child relationships when possible, so the outcome depends on the specific facts and severity of alienation.

About the Author

Santo Artusa Jr., Esq. is an experienced family law attorney and mediator helping parents in Hudson County and Bergen County navigate complex custody disputes, including parental alienation cases. A graduate of Rutgers School of Law (2009) with a background as both a litigator and mediator, Santo understands the delicate balance required in alienation cases—being assertive enough to protect parent-child relationships while maintaining focus on children’s best interests. He works with parents in Jersey City, Bayonne, Hoboken, Hackensack, and throughout both counties to develop strategic, evidence-based approaches to stopping alienation and preserving precious family bonds.

Taking Action to Protect Your Relationship

Parental alienation is one of the most painful experiences a parent can face, but you don’t have to face it alone. Hudson County and Bergen County Family Courts have the tools and authority to address alienation and protect your relationship with your child. With proper documentation, strategic legal action, expert intervention, and persistent, loving efforts, you can stop alienation and rebuild your bond with your child.

The key is acting decisively while maintaining your composure and focus on your child’s best interests. Every day that alienation continues causes more harm. Don’t wait—use the family court system to protect what matters most.

Are you experiencing parental alienation in Hudson County or Bergen County? Time is critical in protecting your relationship with your child. Call or text 201-205-3201 to schedule a confidential consultation and learn how we can help you develop a strategic plan to stop alienation and preserve your precious parent-child bond.

Related Articles: Understanding Child Custody in New Jersey | Modifying Custody Orders | Co-Parenting After High-Conflict Divorce | Choosing the Right Custody Evaluator